Big Thanks go out to all the performers, especially those who turned an extra creative lick and created something original for the occasion.

• The Feed Band, Building the Brand
• Aliza Sherman & friends, Cybergrrl - "WANNABE (ONLINE)" by the Mice Girls
• Jaime Levy , Electronic Hollywood - "I'm The Biggest Bitch in Silicon Alley"
• Tom Watson , @NY - a song based on one by Johnny Thunders
• Rebecca Odes and friends from gURL - "The Technology Song"
• Omar Wasow, NY Online - Stand-Up Routine

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WANNABE (ONLINE) by the Mice Girls

Yo, I'll tell you what I want,what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell mewhat you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, Iwanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha.

If you wanna computer, forget your past
Don't hide behind your fears, better make it fast
Now don't go wasting my precious time
Get your act together and you'll get online

I'll tell you what I want,what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, Iwanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha.

If you wanna get a computer,
don't listen to your friends
They'll tell you to upgrade,
those upgrades never end
If you wanna get a computer,
you have got to give
Excuses are too easy,
and that's the way it is.

What do you think about that
Now you know how I feel
Say you can handle the Net
Then here's the deal
Just plug your modem
In the tel'phone line
Next you have to log in
It will be just fine

Yo, I'll tell you what I want,what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha.

If you wanna get a computer, don't listen to your friends
They'll tell you to upgrade, those upgrades never end
If you wanna get a computer, you have got to give
Excuses are too easy, and that's the way it is.

So here's a story from A to Z
You wanna get online, you gotta listen carefully

We got Java in the place, don't worry 'bout her face
We got Virus on the scene who likes it and she's really mean, doesn't come for free
She's a Real Lady
And as for me
You'll see

Throw that keyboard down and spin it all around
Throw that keyboard down and spin it all around

If you wanna get a computer, you don't listen to your friends
They'll tell you to upgrade, those upgrades never end
If you wanna get a computer, you have got to give
Excuses are too easy, and that's the way it is.

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"I'm The Biggest Bitch in Silicon Alley"
(Copyright) 1998 Electronic Hollywood

I'm the biggest bitch in Silicon Alley
I moved here back in 88 straight from Cali

I went to NYU's ITP
Finished in 2 years with a master's degree
My first job was to make a HyperCard stack
With a scripting language that was totally wack

Back in the day when new media was new
I could bullshit my employer's cuz no one had a clue
I was making ezines on my Mac 2
I was totally wired not like the rest of you

I'm the biggest bitch in Silicon Alley
I'm better than those nerds in Silicon Valley
Bill Gates calls me up when he needs advice
Cuz i'm Jaime Levy and i'm as cold as ice

I was pumping out shit; getting it done
while the rest of you bitches were sucking your thumb

I was in your face with my interface design
Long before you were even online
I was a cyberpunk hacking at your code
Downloading Silicon Valley motherlode

Low bandwidth was the name of the game
I was kicking it live as I rose to fame
The rest of you suckers were just too lame
Making CD ROMS and dumb video games

I'm the biggest bitch in Silicon Alley
I'm better than those nerds in Silicon Valley
Bill Gates calls me up when he needs advice
Cuz I'm Jaime Levy and as cold as ice

The Internet caught you all by surprise
Cuz you'all didn't know how to digitize
Compuserve, Prodigy and AOL
All those weak providers can go to hell

Word dot com ruled the Net
Who cares if it put Icon a little bit in debt
Marisa Bowe was the content provider
While I was kicking graphics right there beside her

I was on TV and in every magazine
I'm the hottest bitch in the new media scene

I'm The Biggest Bitch in Silicon Alley
I'm better than the nerds in Silicon Valley
Bill Gates calls me up when he needs advice
Cuz I'm Jaime Levy and as cold as ice

But I got tired of working for the man
To start my own business was the plan
It was payback time for this early adapter
Venture capital is what I needed to capture

Then an angel investor came my way
Fronted me the money that I needed to play
Electronic Hollywood is finally for real
My very own firm; my very own deals

The Nets where it's at and that's a fact
All you venture capitalists can invest in that.

Now I'm a CEO running the show
Now I'm just waiting for that big IPO
I SAID
I'm a super HO running the show
Now I'm just waiting for that big IPO

say: YO
say: HO HO
say: IPO
say HO HO

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Tom Watson

Lyrics (not all original but a variation of those by punk legend Johnny Thunders) and dedicated to Web content publishers, including Marisa Bowe:

It's hard....so hard.

It doesn't pay to try
All the smart boys know why
And even though we all tried
I just never know why

You can't put your arms around a memory
You can't put your arms around a memory
You can't put your arms around a memory
Don't try......Don't try.

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"The Technology Song", The gURL Band

rubber-band ball
full of starry-eyed minds
connected by high-tension power lines
can you see from the way it shines
which is the one to set you free

who can tell when it's gone this far
a satellite from a shooting star

bubble-gum girl's
working overtime
paying back overdue library fines
what she can read between the lines
is sight enough to see

couldn't promise but the chances are
through the window of a house or a fancy car
you'll be looking over at where they are
wishing on an eyelash or a shooting star

double-edged sword is a friend of mine
making mincemeat out of party lines
close enough to see the signs
is close enough for me

couldn't promise but the chances are
through the window of a house or a fancy car
they'll be looking over at where you are
wishing on an eyelash or a shooting star

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Omar Wasow, Stand-Up Routine

I want to begin by thanking Dan, Martha, Suzanne and Marc for being foolish enough to invite me up here tonight.

I have fond memories of this club. When I was in high school I saw fishbone and the Red Hot Chili Peppers play in this very theatre. And right over there I actually tore a ligament in my knee while dancing (mind you I wish I could say I was slam dancing, but actually I was just dancing).

So it is a big thrill to be on this stage. I think every boy grows up wanting to be a rock star, though sadly at a new media fund raiser I feel more like Jerry Lewis at his telethon than Jerry Lee Lewis belting out "Great Balls of Fire."

Which brings me to what I'm going to do. For the last month the good folks at Weblab have been encouraging me to identify a "talent" that I could share at this extravaganza and it has been really really hard! Cause, I have no talent. I'm a nerd. I can't sing. I've never been good with puppets. The only instrument I can play is the radio. And I don't think any of you want to see me type 150 words per minute or code a nested HTML table.

Searching for inspiration I started looking through my elementary school yearbook and noticed that my classmates predicted I was mostly likely to grow up and become a "stand up comic." Now whether John Belushi is an appropriate role model for a Fifth grader I don't know, but I knew this was my calling for the talent show. I could be the Nerd Comic! What does that mean? Well at a minimum it means that I will try very hard to be funny and all of my jokes should stink.

Of course if I were a true nerd comic, I would have this as a powerpoint presentation, but this is a new schtick so please bear with me. I would like to talk to you about some of the trauma of my life though. Also, I would like to get a little "interactive" with you and do an informal poll. I'm curious to know how many of you have had the same experience as I have of trying to convince your parents that running your own company or being self-employed is not the same as being unemployed. So if everyone in the audience would be so kind (and I'm serious about this) would everyone whose parents do not understand what they do for a living please shout "get a job!" on the count of three. Ok, lets do a practice run first, everyone shout this time! Now just those of you who are treated like lepers by your family! 1,2,3, "get a job"

Crowd: Get a job!

Good ok, so I know we're compadres here. From the moment I talked with my father about starting a company he treated me as if I told him I told him I was an aspiring serial killer. I felt like I could've come home "Hey dad, guess what, I won the Noble Prize Today! And he would've responded "Oh, do you think it will help you find employment?" So, my main achievement over the last five years was convincing my father that being an entrepreneur didn't mean that I would end up a wino on the Bowery. I think the critical moment for him was two years ago I was hired by MSNBC to be a talking head on air one day a week. Now you'd think most parents would respond positively to having their kid on national tv (even if the station has fewer viewers than a public access channel). But the thing that really pleased my father was that each week I got a check for $100 dollars. The TV stuff? Didn't care. I could've been plucking chickens in the privacy of my own home and he would've been happy as long as it was a "career" with a steady paycheck.

Dating has been another sore spot for my parents. I was on a hike with my family a while back and my mother and I were walking ahead and she asked me if "I had considered going back to school?" I thought about it for a moment and then responded "I don't think this is a good time, I've got my company, there are lots of exciting things going on in my life." My mom listened and then asked again "Are you sure, have you really thought about going back to school?" and I replied again "no, mom, I don't think this is a good - "Cuz you know," she said "If you went back to school, you might start dating again."

Ouch! Dissed by my mom!

Which brings me to my next poll. If your family thinks you are socially maladjusted and wonders why your keyboard is so sticky please shout "Get a Life!"

Crowd: Get a life!

That is reassuring to me because I have been pathetically single for a while now. I realized at a certain point that the only way I could successfully date was if I met someone who was busier than I was. I was really proud of this insight until I met a woman who at the end of our first date said "I just have to warn you, I'm really busy." I was stunned and thinking "hey wait, that's my line!" Of course I fell head over heels for her, and she promptly dumped me - So then I started telling friends I was dating "Tosha," then I'd wait two seconds and joke "Macintosha" - but somehow the humor was lost on them and they just looked at me nervously - and I don't think its because they were Windows users - So I wanna know when is one of you propellerheads going to figure out how I can stick an ethernet plug in my mouth for twenty minutes, run some wacky algorhythm, and get a list of the 5 women most compatible with me? Enough of this lousy analog dating crap.

To try and improve my prospects in the meat market I've started excercising for the first time in a decade. Until recently, in classic nerd fashion, I felt an hour of exercise a year was about right. I wonder how many of you are feeling a little flabby? Could I ask everyone in the audience who feels out of shape to scream "Get off your ass"

Good, good. I even thought of launching a Web site called geekphysique.com that would provide a daily nerd health tip - Stuff like "today, get at least one minute of fresh air. Or you will sleep better if you stop drinking coffee after midnight, or while surfing the Web remember not to drool on yourself." But then I noticed (like something out of a Kafka novel) that my entire body was shriveling away and I was slowly being reduced to a giant pair of hands and eyes. So, finally I'm rowing five kilometers a day which I'm very proud of. Unfortunately, when I look in the mirror I still can't tell the muscles from the pimples! If anyone in the audience has a magnifying glass I'd really be grateful.

And all this dating trauma would be fine if it weren't for the fact work life is no better. Has anyone else noticed that the new media industry seems a lot like Junior High School? All of our companies are as awkward as teenagers hitting puberty. Think about it for a second, everyone is constantly switching jobs which is like how cliques work at fourteen. People who were once your best friends become your sworn enemies. Big companies are like adults who we try to rebel against by doing things like giving our start-ups silly names. Venture capital firms are like the local cool kid bullies who you want to be down with, but fear they will beat you up. I look forward to leaving the puberty phase - which of course means also getting my career, love life, and body in order. Emerging from puberty also means getting a libido! So last poll, all of you who can't remember how your genitals function please shout "get off."

Crowd: Get Off!

Come again

Crowd: Get Off!

Ok, if you insist -